@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
