I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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