Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
