I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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