I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
