i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
