Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
