seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
