One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
