Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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