I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
