It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
