This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize