Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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