I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My dick has a subreddit
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
