On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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