my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
