So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you still have your period?
love makes seman taste better
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
the raccoons are back...
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