If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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