Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
