Midget sex pt 2 tonight
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
