so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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