How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize