i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
