Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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