Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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