where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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