but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
