I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
