im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
