M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
