She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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