She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
