I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize