Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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