Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
