i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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