Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
