i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
