Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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