OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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