You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
