I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
