the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
