After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
