yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
