suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
