i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
