how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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