Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
