I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
