yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
