he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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