found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
