I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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