turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize