I just cut my nipple shaving
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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