God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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