my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
