my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize