I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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