he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
