so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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