if you like me you must not know who I am
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
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