Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
