So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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