I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
