I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
