smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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