Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
