Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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