The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Success! We fucked roommates!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
