wrigley field is MILF paradise
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
