Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you will always have a special place in my vag
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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