My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
