A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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