people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
