I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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