You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
